Just Maybe...

Recently I had a friend mention that I don't put many personal post on my blog. Well, today I decided to do just that, add a personal post. I'm just not the type of person to lay it all out there, but today I just felt like venting on someone and your it. Hey, it's free therapy, right? So here it goes. My heart on a platter.

Lately I feel like the years are just flying by. It's like a freight training passing me at the speed of light. Sometimes I feel like I'm being left behind. Maybe I'm feeling this way because I'm fast approaching that big 40th birthday or maybe I'm just simply having a mid-life crisis. It just seems like yesterday that I was finding my own independence. Life was so exciting and I couldn't wait to start a new day. It seems like yesterday that I was moving out from my mothers home and buying my very first home, new car and going to college, but in reality that was 18 years ago. Maybe I'm feeling this way because my little one is going to be 5 years old this September and will be starting kindergarten in the fall. It just seems like yesterday that I brought that cute bundle of life home. Every time I observe how she is developing into this beautiful human being it just blows my mind. I have to keep reminding myself that it really has been 5 years. I just can't seem to wrap my mind around this passing of time. Where does the time go? Why are the years passing me by so fast? Can I slow this thing down that we call father time? Many years ago, when I was a teenager, a wise person once told me that the older you get the faster the years pass. Of course as I teenager I remember thinking that this person was just plan crazy. Now, when I look back at that memory of that conversation that took place so many years ago, I realize that that statement was completely correct on so many levels.

So many things have changed in my life in the past five years, many good and many bad. I had this wonderful baby that came into my life just by chance. Yes, it was a huge surprise that I was pregnant. I truly thought that I couldn't get pregnant. She was an amazing gift from god. I got to become a stay at home mom and raise my wonderful bundle of joy. This was a huge adjustment for me since I've worked for over 20 years. I miss working, but I'm glad that I had the opportunity to stay home with my little girl. I lost many friends and family to the that happy place in the sky. I still can't get over that most of my uncles and aunts have passed on. Of course they were my great aunts and uncles and it was time, but they were with me my entire life and I just can get over that they have all passed away in only 5 years. It seems like my family gets smaller and smaller each year, and that's hard for me since I come from a large and loving family. It will be 6 years this Thanksgiving that my mother in-law lost her fight with Lymphoma and passed away at the age of 59. The same year my mother in-law passed away I lost a dear friend to Pancreatic cancer. Her name was Lill. I truly loved and completely respected this friend. She meant so much to me. She was not only my friend, but so much more. She was like a second mother to me, a mentor and a guide in this crazy thing we call life. It crushed me when she passed away unexpectedly. I still get that ever so familiar lump in my throat every time I talk about these amazing people that I had the pleasure of meeting in this life. Gosh, 6 years? Has it really been that long? It will be 3 years that my wonderful grandma, who I loved deeply, passed away at the age of 89. It's been 13 years since I met my husband and 10 years that we have been married. Wow, not that really blows me away! Where does the time go? See what I mean when I say time is just flying by and I just can't keep up. Maybe I need to just slow down and smell the rose. Though I'm not sure that I know how. Do you feel like time is flying by too? How do you stop and smell the rose? Maybe I'm just trying to find my place in this life and this time continuum has made me stop, think and analyze. Maybe I'm just plain over analyzing everything right this very minute.

Well, that's me, up close and personal. Thanks so much for taking time to read my ramble.

Hugs