Sunday, April 5, 2009

Just Maybe...

Recently I had a friend mention that I don't put many personal post on my blog. Well, today I decided to do just that, add a personal post. I'm just not the type of person to lay it all out there, but today I just felt like venting on someone and your it. Hey, it's free therapy, right? So here it goes. My heart on a platter.

Lately I feel like the years are just flying by. It's like a freight training passing me at the speed of light. Sometimes I feel like I'm being left behind. Maybe I'm feeling this way because I'm fast approaching that big 40th birthday or maybe I'm just simply having a mid-life crisis. It just seems like yesterday that I was finding my own independence. Life was so exciting and I couldn't wait to start a new day. It seems like yesterday that I was moving out from my mothers home and buying my very first home, new car and going to college, but in reality that was 18 years ago. Maybe I'm feeling this way because my little one is going to be 5 years old this September and will be starting kindergarten in the fall. It just seems like yesterday that I brought that cute bundle of life home. Every time I observe how she is developing into this beautiful human being it just blows my mind. I have to keep reminding myself that it really has been 5 years. I just can't seem to wrap my mind around this passing of time. Where does the time go? Why are the years passing me by so fast? Can I slow this thing down that we call father time? Many years ago, when I was a teenager, a wise person once told me that the older you get the faster the years pass. Of course as I teenager I remember thinking that this person was just plan crazy. Now, when I look back at that memory of that conversation that took place so many years ago, I realize that that statement was completely correct on so many levels.

So many things have changed in my life in the past five years, many good and many bad. I had this wonderful baby that came into my life just by chance. Yes, it was a huge surprise that I was pregnant. I truly thought that I couldn't get pregnant. She was an amazing gift from god. I got to become a stay at home mom and raise my wonderful bundle of joy. This was a huge adjustment for me since I've worked for over 20 years. I miss working, but I'm glad that I had the opportunity to stay home with my little girl. I lost many friends and family to the that happy place in the sky. I still can't get over that most of my uncles and aunts have passed on. Of course they were my great aunts and uncles and it was time, but they were with me my entire life and I just can get over that they have all passed away in only 5 years. It seems like my family gets smaller and smaller each year, and that's hard for me since I come from a large and loving family. It will be 6 years this Thanksgiving that my mother in-law lost her fight with Lymphoma and passed away at the age of 59. The same year my mother in-law passed away I lost a dear friend to Pancreatic cancer. Her name was Lill. I truly loved and completely respected this friend. She meant so much to me. She was not only my friend, but so much more. She was like a second mother to me, a mentor and a guide in this crazy thing we call life. It crushed me when she passed away unexpectedly. I still get that ever so familiar lump in my throat every time I talk about these amazing people that I had the pleasure of meeting in this life. Gosh, 6 years? Has it really been that long? It will be 3 years that my wonderful grandma, who I loved deeply, passed away at the age of 89. It's been 13 years since I met my husband and 10 years that we have been married. Wow, not that really blows me away! Where does the time go? See what I mean when I say time is just flying by and I just can't keep up. Maybe I need to just slow down and smell the rose. Though I'm not sure that I know how. Do you feel like time is flying by too? How do you stop and smell the rose? Maybe I'm just trying to find my place in this life and this time continuum has made me stop, think and analyze. Maybe I'm just plain over analyzing everything right this very minute.

Well, that's me, up close and personal. Thanks so much for taking time to read my ramble.



Hugs

15 comments:

  1. Well....I'm 54. Let me tell you - it gets worse before it gets..... Hm. Let's just say it gets worse!

    What wakes me up and makes life slow down are new things - new experiences, new places. I suddenly can see why those folks get into their travel trailers and head out in retirement. I'm not likely to HAVE retirement, being a mom of little kids at my age....but I do have a lot of fun with them!

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  2. Sometimes it scares me how fast life is flying by. It seems like yesterday that I was in your place with a kindergartner and now my kids are in the higher ed years. Some times I just want it all to stop, just stop.

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  3. I love your new design on your blog! :)

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  4. Good job! Yes I believe I'm the friend that wanted you to put more of you out there. Now keep it up. You did a great job.

    Just remember everyone feels this way. I'm older but far from wiser. Married 21 years together for over 25. My dad has been gone 9 years and my mom 2 years this month. I have no family left. My oldest is now 19 and youngest will be 11 in September and will start middle school in Sept. Yucks. Time does fly but we can't do anything about it but enjoy the ride. And what a fun ride it can be. Once again great job on the post.

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  5. I try not to think to deeply about time flying by lol. Another thing that I find grounds me and helps me live in the moment is to be creative. Be it working in the garden or sewing or knitting something. Creativity makes it all feel more real.

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  6. It wasn't ramble. It is nice to hear your "voice". I'm almost 47 and that is a weird feeling to me. Life is flying.

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  7. I think it's all in your mood and state of mind that changes your perception of time. I go through that "where did it go?" stuff and feel bad about those people who are no longer in my life. But then, I realize all the people who I have met in those years, and the great things I have done in that time too. It seems like you are in a reflective mood right now.

    Don't look at it as being sad that your daughter is going to school. Sign up to volunteer at her school, get involved in the parent organization, or whatever you can at school. Then you'll see how happy she is there, making friends, changing, growing--you'll love what you see. And you'll get to be a huge part of it with her, which she'll forever remember and be grateful for.

    There is a whole lot of things yet to come and motherhood hasn't even begun for you yet! And it's fun and good, and exciting!! Don't look at it like it's all over....it's just beginning!!!

    It's all about perception, Michelle. Yeah, things change, people come and go in our lives, but don't look back--look forward and honor where you came from. :)

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  8. I'm still 32 and feeling old. Days flies so fast,sometimes I wish of going back in high school life and enjoy carefree life. but I wouldn't exchange the joy of having a baby and family. A lot of things change. atleast you had a very best experience to share to your kid(s) when they grow up.

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  9. I feel the same exact way.. I really, really do.. Time is going by way faster that I hope or would like it to...
    My little girl is just right behind yours.. She will be 4 in September, and she is starting preschool right around that time as well.. It will be hard ON ME.. lol.. I mean, I love watching my little girl grow up, you know?? But.. Just like you said.. it is all going by so fast! :(

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  10. Thank you for sharing, it was nice to learn more about you! I can relate to these feelings - I am turning 30 this year and have been talking to others lately about how for the very first time in my life, "time" seems to be going too fast, like I'm going to die before I get everything I want accomplished. I've never had that fear before. For me, I think it's due to watching how fast my son has changed & grown in a year. It just seems like at this pace he's going to be graduated before I know it. . .which means I'll be 46 before I know it! I just try to stop whatever I'm doing and really appreciate & enjoy & take snapshots in my mind. . .really feel what I'm feelings, take in everything that's going on so that even if time does go too fast, I'll at least have known I was in the moment and didn't take it for granted.

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  11. I'm 41 soon to be 42 and I refuse to act my age that is what keeps me young. One of my good friends (45) blames everything on potential menopause because "she's old". I had to have a heart to heart with her over a glass of red wine..he he! I'm sure some of the issues are age related but I can't spend too much time dwelling on why so I do what I can to either fix the problem or ignore it and move on...life's too short. Take a deep breath and live each day to it's fullest. Thanks for sharing your story--we can all relate in so many ways -- :-)

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  12. I think this is just normal as long as this feeling doesn't last a long time. Every time I feel 'down' I just look at my kids and it reminds me that it's all worth it.

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  13. I think having the twins has aged me ten years overnight. I never expected the first year to be as hard as it was. Their almost 4, so things are getting a lot better now.

    Lynnette Labelle
    http://lynnettelabelle.blogspot.com

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  14. I know that having children just really seems to speed up the time process. It also seems that the more kids you have, the faster it goes. Whole months pass by....and you are sure it's only been a week. It seems like you just got done with Monday, and now it's Sunday....wait...where did the week go....My oldest is now 11....how did he get that big????

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  15. True time flies and you sit one day and ask yourself where did time go? Just enjoy the moment and relive it someday! :)

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