Let me start out by telling you a little bit about myself. I've never been one to follow the crowd. I've never been one to click with just one group of people. In high school where everyone was clicking. I was socializing with every click imaginable. Some of my old high school friends still mention how I was friends with everyone and tease me till this day. I enjoyed being a social butterfly and still do.
Now to the point of this post. First of all let me say that I love being a mom. It's the most amazing job in the world, yet the hardest job there is. Last September I enrolled my little one in preschool. I was really looking forward to taking this journey with my toddler. Little did I know that I was about to be sucked into this secret society of the moms. Now, I know you moms out there know what I'm talking about. Just in case you don't, let me explain. The secret society that I'm speaking of is the moms out there that are in the biggest competition of their life's. For example, the mom that brags about their child till no end. I understand bragging about your child is natural, but does it have to be every sentence that leaves your mouth.? Don't get me wrong, I love to talk about my little girl. It just would be nice to talk about something else for a change. It gets a little tiring talking about potty training, tantrums and teething 24/7. Lets try and talk about something with some substance. Let's get our brains going girls! Every mom thinks their child is perfect, but I'm sorry no child or human being is perfect. Am I right? Then there's the mom who will top any story that you have about your child. Their child did the same very thing, but they did it better. What's up with this competition thing? I'm just so not into that. I've come across a few moms that won't let their little girls play with little boys. Does it really matter? My gosh, the kids are only 4 years old. What's up with that? I've even had parents invite only the girls in my daughter's class to their little girls birthday party's. Boys are not welcome. They even ignorantly gave out the birthday invitations in front of the uninvited children in class. Of course the children who weren't invited knew what was going on, and of course were extremely hurt. Now to the clicking situation. The mom's at my daughter's school seem to have there own little clicks going on and they don't seem to want to invite new members to their group. One of the mom's is such a snob that if she thinks you have money or are well off, then she's your best friend. If she thinks your not good enough for her, she wont' ever give you the time a day. I seriously feel like I'm back in high school again. I can't stress enough that I love being a mom, but I'm not enjoying this new social mommy world that I've been sucked into. It's extremely tiring to deal with. I'm 39 and I just don't have the energy or the time for this drama. All this craziness makes me want to pull my hair out. Maybe I'm being insensitive. I just can't help it. It's how I feel. The few mom's that I've become friends with feel the same way I do. They don't enjoy this secret society of moms either and have noticed the clicking and snobbishness going on.
On a positive note, I have met a few mom's that I really like. We have similar interest and enjoy each others company. We have been getting together often. It's fun to get together and have a play date. The kids play and we get to have our me time. It's nice to talk to another adult once in a while. Of course husband's don't count. LOL!! I'm with my 4 year old 24/7 and it gets kind of mind altering without some adult contact. My husband works long days and I'm usually the one to take care of my little one most of the time. Maybe I'm the one being a snob about this new social society that I've entered. Maybe these stay at home moms have nothing better to do but revert back to high school habits. It just seems crazy to me. I've definitely met some very interesting parents on this preschool journey. I'll be happy when preschool is over and my little one starts kindergarten in the fall. Maybe it will be different. Have any of you parents out there experienced anything like this? I'd sure like your input.
Thanks for stopping by and listening to me ramble.
Hugs
It is so hard w/how competitive we can be. I feel sometimes like since I work full time that I do a bad job as a mom and get judged by the sah moms, which seems unfair since we actually made the same choice they did it's just my husband stays home. I wish we all could just include more and have grace for one another.
ReplyDeleteI recently enrolled my 2-year-and-nine-month-old son in a summer class in preparation for regular school in June. Since most of us moms were allowed in the kids' classroom to assist our children last week, we didn't really have time to talk, so I haven't really experienced anything negative yet. But I would also feel really bad if something like this (snobbishness and all) happens to me. The sad part is we can't change people's attitude. We can only change our own ways. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. I hope we can exchange links, too.
ReplyDeleteIs your pre-school affiliated with a church or religion by any chance? I typically found this in the "Christian" organizations--pre-school, soccer club, girl scouts. I found that the most "Christian" they were, the more aloof and alienating they were. Just my experience over 17 years.
ReplyDeleteIn the midst of that, I'd find a cool mom or two that I connected with, that I could giggle about the idiots and snobs. I am still friends with a couple of them. We did not compete, did not compare, did not participate in their charades. I clung to those women like a life preserver and we were welcoming and friendly to all.
Public schools and organizations are filled with too-busy parents who A) are completely MIA B) don't have time for this crap and C) are more wrapped up in their own life to care about others. Yeah, it's not all good, but I found less of that crud there. Mostly I found parents who don't care, but then again, they weren't all cliquey either.
Wherever you are, just find a mom or two that are real. That don't play those games and you'll be fine. You don't need to be "friends" with everyone--let me tell you, your friends will change as fast as the years go by. You will be friends with the parents of the friends of your child. When that changes, so do you. And that's okay.
It's all about change as your child grows and changes. Sure there are people from little league that we still see once in awhile, but it is not the friendship of sitting at every game with 7 years ago. But with every new sport, every new club, every new adventure comes new parents to meet.
Oh, and as your kid gets older, parents aren't really like that anymore. It's at full tilt in the early years of schooling. Wait until Suzy gets a brother or two--Mom's too busy to focus on Suzy and her perfections anymore!
Hang in there!!!!
I joined a Mommy and Me type group that was like that. I tried to be a part for a while and it just wasn't a good fit me for. It's silly how some women act like they are still teenagers.
ReplyDeleteBasically Lin said it all. This is very normal but in the end if you come out with a friend or two you are richer for it. It just takes work. Hang in there.
ReplyDelete((Hugs))
I've definitely noticed this over the years. It drives me crazy! Like they haven't grown up out of high school yet. Yuck.
ReplyDeleteI just try to ignore them. I certainly don't need any more immaturity than what my kids (rightly since they're young) give me.
Oh wow, I imagine I'm going to run into this kind of stuff soon. :( That is too bad. . .now it makes sense how "kid clicks" get started -- they just follow their parents! I can't stand to be around the moms who act like their kids are perfect and being a mom is never hard. I remember when my son was only two months old all of the parents whose babies were already sleeping 8 hrs thru the night were acting like something was wrong with my baby because he wasn't. I came to find out my son was completely normal by sleeping 5 hrs and that I shouldn't expect more than that, but I almost got sucked into believing that he should be like these other people's kids before I started researching and talking to other moms. It made me aware of how I never wanted to be, nor ever follow their lead again! (Although I don't think that is my personality anyway.) I can't believe there are moms that won't let boys come to their girls' birthday parties - I'm glad now I'll be prepared!
ReplyDeleteThat sounds all too familiar to me. I can't stand cliques no matter how old they are. I had a tough time in high school and when my oldest started school I noticed similar cliques with the other moms.
ReplyDeleteI have learned that it's not the quantity that matters but the quality of friends. In all my years moving from one base to another I have met many women who initially make you feel at home, welcomed and you start to think, wow I have a friends, then you move or something happens that doesn't fit their schedule and you don't have a name, except for the few who do stick around through thick and thin -- those are my real friends. So out of 10 people I end up with 2 or 3 that stick around but those are truly, high quality, friends, those are family to me and I'm so glad their in my life.
ReplyDeleteAs for those snobby mommies...been there, done that and stay away from it all!!
When my older daughter was younger, I really wanted to be part of that crowd. I was there for about a year and it became too much work (and I tend to say what I am thinking too much). It is like high school. Hopefully, you will make a few friends and just ignore the moms who are irritating. I have found it starts in preschool and continues into elementary school. It starts to disappear as your kids get older and you find people you want to spend time with. I barely see it with my 4th grader and since I have gone through it already, I ignore it with my kindergartener.
ReplyDeleteMaybe it all depends on what you are looking for. Most of my kids friends parents are just passing through my life. I take what I want and leave the rest. They do the same. Expect nothing and you shall not be disappointed. Remember too that your children are getting their cues from you. If you have feelings of superiority or inferiority then your child will feel that and have the same feeling. Just accept each day as the gift that it is. btw you're doing a great job with your little one.
ReplyDeleteI kind of miss my days of the Society of Moms. At least then I had regular contact with people. Once the kids started grade school I only ever waved to those people in the school auditorium at the Christmas show.
ReplyDeleteI completely understand what you're saying. I been through the same, and it's so silly to me too. I have kids in the upper grade and it's still happening though. Even the all girl birthday invites, as well as the all boy invite's. I don't pay the snobbish any mind at all, I just enjoy the down to earth moms. The thing I've noticed is that a lot of the moms at my children school have been living in the community since they were younger themselves, perhaps a reason they remain so clicky. Also, along with living in a small community our kids seem to start pre-school together and on up through high school together. So, I guess in a way that's why they so clicky. I don't really know, just my thoughts. It stopped bothering me a long time ago, you'll too get pass it!!
ReplyDeleteNaye
For me it's like finding the perfect dress. It might fit us in the store but after several washings (and weight gains) the dress isn't perfect anymore. It's hard to find real friends nowadays but the few ones that you do remains a life time. :)
ReplyDeleteHappy Parenting!
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ReplyDeleteWow, it was like reading about me. You and I have a lot in common!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing this,some mothers may not be aware that they are already irritating. Some maybe are just so proud and overwhelmed that they can't stop talking about their kids.
ReplyDeleteBeen new to blogging, hope you can visit me at www.joe-ann.tongson.com.tenks.