I started this blog as a curious hobby, but in time it has become a form of release and therapy for me. My life has changed dramatically since Christmas of 2009. I'm still trying to process all the changes that have occurred in the past four months. I'm not sure that I'll ever be able to wrap my mind around the upheaval that has occurred in my life. I'm trying accept my new future that lies ahead and I'm still holding on to what little hope I have left. I know there is still beauty to behold in this world.
My mom, the strong and independent women I grew up knowing became sick and in need of care in December of 2009. It was strange and at the same time scary to see my mom who was always my strength in life all of sudden needing my support and strength. It was time for me to be the strong one. Soon after my mother was diagnosed with uterine cancer. This diagnosed left me trembling in side and wondering what the future held for our family. Yet, even after this terrible diagnoses my mom remained strong on the outside even though she was terrified on the inside and still so supportive of my sister and myself. She eventually had her surgery and had an amazing prognosis. The caner was at stage 1 and no additional treatment was needed. Such happy and relieving news to hear from the doctor.
At the time of my mom's diagnoses I was hit with a realization that my marriage was in severe trouble. I'm not going to go into detail as to what went wrong. I had know for years that our marriage was in trouble, but we both chose to ignore the problems. My hubby and I had separated for a period of time, which left a huge hole in my soul, heartbroken, and devastated. It made me wonder how I got to this dark place in my life, and I HAD to find a way out. Yes, my mom with her terrible diagnoses and no clear information as to how severe this cancer growing inside her was, she still remained my rock and my strength. She stayed with me many nights and let me cry on her shoulder. She gave me the best advice a mother could give and helped my ship from not sinking during these troubling times. What would I ever do without her. Thanks mom!
My marriage is finally back on track and we are attending counseling, which is helping in huge amounts. We are learning a lot about ourselves as well as each other. It's almost a blessing in disguise that our marriage came to a halt like it did. The separation between us has rejuvenated our love for each other and has strengthened our marriage beyond measurable amounts. We both didn't want to give up on our 14 year relationship. I'm not sure our marriage has ever been this strong as it is today. It's made us realize that we don't want to spend the rest of our lives apart and has show us how much we truly love each other.
Recently, the hubby and I put our house on the market as a short-sale. We are just praying that we get an offer soon, so that we don't have to let the home go into foreclosure. We've been struggling to keep our home since the down turn of the economy. Our property value, like everyone else's, has plummeted to nothing. The hubby's income over the past five years had decreased dramatically and then came several months of layoffs. We struggled and fought to keep our home at the expense of our marriage and the exhaustion of our retirement accounts. We finally came to the realization that it was time to let it go and that we would never recoup the lost equity in our life time. I've lost all of inheritance that was left to me by grandparents on top of the lost equity that we earned over the years. That spells bad investment in my mind. So, its time to say good bye to the home we've loved so much and start a new life some place else. I know my story isn't new and that similar tragedies are happening to other families all over our country. What a shame that things have come to this for hard working families.
On top of all this drama I was diagnosed with having a tumor on my parathyroid gland. It scared me to death and I really thought there might be a chance that this could be cancer. The only thing I could think about was who was going to take care of my little girl and that she would have to spend the rest of her life without her mother. It's crazy the thoughts that run through your head when you have a severe disease. The thoughts are almost uncontrollable and maddening. These thoughts just tore me apart and broke my heart. I've been sick for years, but really thought that these aches, pains,fatigue and stomach problems were all a part of getting old. Boy, was I wrong. I truly believe my doctor mis-diagnosed me about 4 years ago, because I had high calcium levels back in 2004, but they never did check my parathyroid levels. Shame on those bad doctors. I've been suffering for over four years all because of their negligence. I guess that's why they call it practicing medicine for a reason. They definitely are still practicing. I wont' be going back there anytime soon. I finally had my first appointment with my endocrinologist last week and she assured me that I didn't have cancer, but more then likely I did have a tumor on my parathyroid gland, which is why my calcium levels are so high in my blood. Though the tumor will have to go to pathology and be tested for cancer. I was so relieved to hear this great news, yet I'm still scared to death of what type of damage my organs have gone though all these years and I'm totally terrified of the surgery. I have more testing and scans to go through and I should know more in about a month.
So, these are the reasons why my life as I know it will change forever in the upcoming months. I'm hopeful for a brighter future, but still holding on to the past. Everything happens for a reason, right?