Monday, May 3, 2010

Life As I Know It Will Change Forever

I started this blog as a curious hobby, but in time it has become a form of release and therapy for me. My life has changed dramatically since Christmas of 2009. I'm still trying to process all the changes that have occurred in the past four months. I'm not sure that I'll ever be able to wrap my mind around the upheaval that has occurred in my life. I'm trying accept my new future that lies ahead and I'm still holding on to what little hope I have left. I know there is still beauty to behold in this world.

My mom, the strong and independent women I grew up knowing became sick and in need of care in December of 2009. It was strange and at the same time scary to see my mom who was always my strength in life all of sudden needing my support and strength. It was time for me to be the strong one. Soon after my mother was diagnosed with uterine cancer. This diagnosed left me trembling in side and wondering what the future held for our family. Yet, even after this terrible diagnoses my mom remained strong on the outside even though she was terrified on the inside and still so supportive of my sister and myself. She eventually had her surgery and had an amazing prognosis. The caner was at stage 1 and no additional treatment was needed. Such happy and relieving news to hear from the doctor.

At the time of my mom's diagnoses I was hit with a realization that my marriage was in severe trouble. I'm not going to go into detail as to what went wrong. I had know for years that our marriage was in trouble, but we both chose to ignore the problems. My hubby and I had separated for a period of time, which left a huge hole in my soul, heartbroken, and devastated. It made me wonder how I got to this dark place in my life, and I HAD to find a way out. Yes, my mom with her terrible diagnoses and no clear information as to how severe this cancer growing inside her was, she still remained my rock and my strength. She stayed with me many nights and let me cry on her shoulder. She gave me the best advice a mother could give and helped my ship from not sinking during these troubling times. What would I ever do without her. Thanks mom!

My marriage is finally back on track and we are attending counseling, which is helping in huge amounts. We are learning a lot about ourselves as well as each other. It's almost a blessing in disguise that our marriage came to a halt like it did. The separation between us has rejuvenated our love for each other and has strengthened our marriage beyond measurable amounts. We both didn't want to give up on our 14 year relationship. I'm not sure our marriage has ever been this strong as it is today. It's made us realize that we don't want to spend the rest of our lives apart and has show us how much we truly love each other.

Recently, the hubby and I put our house on the market as a short-sale. We are just praying that we get an offer soon, so that we don't have to let the home go into foreclosure. We've been struggling to keep our home since the down turn of the economy. Our property value, like everyone else's, has plummeted to nothing. The hubby's income over the past five years had decreased dramatically and then came several months of layoffs. We struggled and fought to keep our home at the expense of our marriage and the exhaustion of our retirement accounts. We finally came to the realization that it was time to let it go and that we would never recoup the lost equity in our life time. I've lost all of inheritance that was left to me by grandparents on top of the lost equity that we earned over the years. That spells bad investment in my mind. So, its time to say good bye to the home we've loved so much and start a new life some place else. I know my story isn't new and that similar tragedies are happening to other families all over our country. What a shame that things have come to this for hard working families.

On top of all this drama I was diagnosed with having a tumor on my parathyroid gland. It scared me to death and I really thought there might be a chance that this could be cancer. The only thing I could think about was who was going to take care of my little girl and that she would have to spend the rest of her life without her mother. It's crazy the thoughts that run through your head when you have a severe disease. The thoughts are almost uncontrollable and maddening. These thoughts just tore me apart and broke my heart. I've been sick for years, but really thought that these aches, pains,fatigue and stomach problems were all a part of getting old. Boy, was I wrong. I truly believe my doctor mis-diagnosed me about 4 years ago, because I had high calcium levels back in 2004, but they never did check my parathyroid levels. Shame on those bad doctors. I've been suffering for over four years all because of their negligence. I guess that's why they call it practicing medicine for a reason. They definitely are still practicing. I wont' be going back there anytime soon. I finally had my first appointment with my endocrinologist last week and she assured me that I didn't have cancer, but more then likely I did have a tumor on my parathyroid gland, which is why my calcium levels are so high in my blood. Though the tumor will have to go to pathology and be tested for cancer. I was so relieved to hear this great news, yet I'm still scared to death of what type of damage my organs have gone though all these years and I'm totally terrified of the surgery. I have more testing and scans to go through and I should know more in about a month.

So, these are the reasons why my life as I know it will change forever in the upcoming months. I'm hopeful for a brighter future, but still holding on to the past. Everything happens for a reason, right?


  1. Wow. You have been through a lot! It sounds like you are still strong in spite of the trials and tribulations and you still have your family intact. I believe you can get through everything if you have love and support.

    It's great that you and your husband have worked through all of this to stay together. Financial difficulties can take a huge toll on your marriage, and even if you are living in a box, having love will see you through it all.

    I pray for you that you continue to have strength for the times ahead, and maybe, just maybe things will change for the better. In the meantime, I send love, hugs, and prayers. You are strong, pally. Give the world hell!

  2. I'm so glad I stopped today, you are so strong and willing to face every obstacle open eyed and ready to win. This is how I've gotten through so many awful things in my life and most days I always felt a little sunshine, I will be praying and thinking about you and your family. I have this very positive feeling every change will mean something new and good for your future.


    Dorothy from grammology

  3. Oh.. so many trials, keep holding on to Jesus... my prayers go out to you and your family!

  4. I'm hoping and praying for you. There must be something amazing for you just around the corner. Hugs and love to you!

  5. I just spent some time reading your I needed to catch up.. I had surgery 4 weeks ago, that kept me down a bit, and that I didn't talk about on my blog, but I feel better now..

    I just want you to know that yes, like you said, everything happens for a reason... clearly you and your husband had to go through some things to make your marriage better.. and as for your mom.. I know it has been so tough on you.. and it sounds like you have such an amazing mom.. and you, as a daughter, are pretty amazing yourself, I am sure your mom thinks so too..
    Shame on those doctors for not catching your condition earlier.. but you will now get the medical attention you need now, so, that is what is important..
    take care!

  6. (((((big hugs))))) You will get through all of this, as difficult as these times have been you will come out the other end stronger, and better then ever! Thank goodness you finally got a proper diagnosis, and are seeing the Endo When they get the parathyroid back under control you will feel like a new person. I went years with a bad thyroid, and you really don't know how bad off you really feel until the Endo gets it all sorted out. Positive energy being sent your way!

  7. I'm sure you, your hubby and mom will get past this and everyone will be better for it. It's just to bad it all had to happen at once. Stay positive and strong and things will work out. Love, hugs, and prayers to you and your family.

  8. YIKES!! In the catagory "things I know for sure" is that God never leads you to something unless he can lead you through it. Your positive outlook is definitely an asset at this time. And your husband is definitely a 'keeper'. Glad you are working it out. Sometimes you just have to weigh all of the good things and remember that the grass is always greener until you get there and see that they have just as many weeds as you have. Just remember that no matter how bad you think it is someone has it worse off - and the reverse is true too. You think you're sitting pretty and someone else has a lot more than you.... must be our outlook. Look up... the answers are there.

    On another note - we were very concerned when Becki recently was diagnosed with a hole in her heart. With lots of prayers the right drs came into her life at the right time - the procedure was done and she's experiencing a lot more energy that she didn't even know was missing. So the saying 'something good comes out of something bad' is usually true. God Bless you and yours.

  9. To my sister: Everything did happen for a reason and I'm so glad you and Kevin are stronger now. We are truly blessed. I am truly blessed to have a sister like you and for a Mother like Mom. It was scary but we were both together through that and strong. Mother taught us that you know. :) She gave us our strength. Can't wait to see you on Mother's Day!! Love always, your little sis Sony xoxo

  10. I am so sorry all of this hit you at once, but you will get through it because your stronger then you think. The good Lord above knows what you can and can't handle. Your all in my prayers.

    God bless,


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